The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script

The following is a parody script I got from somewhere and it is freaking hilarious! The purpose I am putting this up is to entertain you readers and of course, to get hits especially when The Dark Knight is the biggest thing now since Sean Kingston. So, sit back and enjoy!

FADE IN:

INT. BANK – GHICAGO

A GANG of CLOWNS breaks into a bank. The AUDIENCE impatiently tolerates the scene, despite having already watched it in front of I Am Legend as well as thirty times when it leaked ONLINE.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

Robbing this bank was a great idea. Anyone know why they call the guy that planned it ‘The Joker’?

RANDOM CLOWN #2

I hear he wears clown makeup to scare people.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

What? How does that answer the question at all? I asked why they call him ‘The Joker’, not why they call him ‘The Clown’. Nuts to this, has the real movie started yet?

The CLOWNS gather up a bunch of money and secretly kill each other one by one. One of the clowns pulls a gun on the OBVIOUSLY HEATH LEDGER CLOWN.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

I’m betting the Joker told you to kill me, so rather than kill you with your back turned I’m going to tell you how clever I am for figuring that out.

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

No, I kill the bus driver.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That’s extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that.

He gets run over by a BUS that drives into the bank.

BUS DRIVER CLOWN

Somehow, the bus survived crashing into the side of a building without a scratch, so let’s load it up with money! Hey, where are all of the other gang members?

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

They had to go. Something about attending a dark carnival. Oh, and also, you’re dead.

HEATH kills the BUS DRIVER, puts a smoke grenade in WILLIAM FICHTNER’S mouth for no reason, then drives out of the building into a conveniently placed gap in a line of SCHOOLBUSES.

INT. PARKING GARAGE

A bunch of DRUG DEALERS confront CILLIAN MURPHY.

DRUG DEALER

Hey, your LSD made my clients shit themselves and jump out of buildings.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Honestly, why were you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack on his head?

Suddenly a bunch of FAKE BATMEN break up the drug deal but eventually CHRISTIAN BALE WEARING BLACK RUBBER shows up and arrests everyone.

FAKE BATMAN

Jesus, I’m just trying to help, do you really need to punch me in the face with metal, spiked gloves? What’s the difference between you and me?

BAT-BALE

Depends, are you on good terms with your sister?

INT. KITCHEN

Various MOBS all meet in a single room to facilitate the plot. Suddenly, HEATH LEDGER enters.

HEATH LEDGER

So it seems you guys all have a problem with Batman. Did you guys ever consider killing him?

ERIC ROBERTS

Holy shit, are we allowed to do that? We thought about having a mobster vs. crimefighter softball game, but that’s way easier! Why the hell didn’t we think of that?

HEATH LEDGER

Damn, being a criminal mastermind is cake when the other criminals have brains the size of Mary-Kate Olsen’s lunch. Now, I need to take over one of your gangs. First, let me tell you a story about when my asshole dad said things like “why so serious?” and “let’s put a smile on that face!”

ERIC ROBERTS

So all of your best lines from the trailer were from you quoting your douchebag father? That’s almost as disappointing as the way the last scene brought back Cillian Murphy just to get rid of him in 2 minutes.

EXT. POLICE STATION ROOFTOP

GARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT.

BAT-BALE

Grrgrll farggle raar!

GARY OLDMAN

Nice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he’s the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character.

AARON ECKHART

Here’s the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob’s money supply.

BAT-BALE

Frmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl.

AARON ECKHART

Did you take voice coaching lessons from Jack Bauer or something? Don’t you feel like an idiot growling all of your lines? You sound like you’re gargling Michael Keaton’s balls.

CHRISTIAN BALE goes to see MORGAN FREEMAN.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Morgan, I need to fly to Hong Kong, kidnap Chin Han, then fly out. Can you help me using technology and caustic banter? Also I want a new suit that lets me turn my head.

MORGAN FREEMAN

A whole new suit? You spent the entire last movie building the first one, and you want a totally redesigned new one after one line of dialogue?

CHRISTIAN BALE

Yes.

MORGAN FREEMAN

Your new suit is ready, have fun.

MICHAEL CAINE

I’ve thought of an excellent alibi for when you’re in Hong Kong, Mr. Bale.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Does it involve me taking an entire ballet troupe to a yacht from which I will mysteriously disappear, arousing a great deal of suspicion?

MICHAEL CAINE

Sure does!

CHRISTIAN BALE flies to HONG KONG and abducts CHIN HAN, then brings him back to CHICAGO. CHIN sells out the MOBSTERS, who then go to TRIAL. The JUDGE for the trial gets into her car, which suddenly explodes! And the COMMISSIONER is poisoned! And ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL manages to find work!

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S PENTHOUSE

CHRISTIAN BALE throws a party for AARON ECKHART, which HEATH LEDGER crashes.

HEATH LEDGER

Good evening, we’re tonight’s entertainment! We also do birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here’s my card.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

This is a ‘Wild Draw Four’ Uno card.

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah, I kinda had to use up all of the regular decks of cards in the city to stuff the judge’s car full of jokers. Took fucking hours.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Well if you’re here for Aaron Eckhart, we had ‘Old Chicago’ for dinner so he’s in the bathroom shitting lava.

HEATH LEDGER

I can wait. Want to hear a story? Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You’re actually kind of a butterface. But at least you’re not Katie Holmes, I like that.

BAT-BALE

Then you’re gonna love me!

HEATH LEDGER

How the hell did a guy in a giant bat costume sneak up right next to me without anyone noticing?

HEATH and CHRISTIAN fight, and somehow HEATH is able to hold his own against a guy with NINJA TRAINING. HEATH throws MAGGIE out of a window.

CHRISTIAN grabs her in midair, allowing MAGGIE to avoid landing on the PAVEMENT by landing safely on a CAR instead.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Thanks for catching me, but how are we going to resolve the issue of Heath still terrorizing your party guests upstairs?

BAT-BALE

Maybe if we awkwardly cut to the next scene, nobody will notice that we accidentally lost some pages of the screenplay.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHICAGO STREETS

The police are holding a funeral for the DEAD COMMISSIONER in the most logical location: directly in the middle of 4 abandoned high-rise buildings with lots of windows. The MAYOR gives a eulogy while wearing a DISTRACTING AMOUNT OF EYELINER.

CHRISTIAN BALE uses MAGIC to pull fingerprints off a nonexistent bullet and winds up getting to the FUNERAL just in time to see HEATH LEDGER attempt to shoot the unprotected MAYOR, miss, and somehow hit GARY OLDMAN instead.

AARON ECKHART

(oh phone)

Maggie, Gary Oldman has just been shot.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I’m sure he’s fine, he’s not even commissioner yet. We’re not supposed to actually be worried that he might be dead, are we?

AARON ECKHART

Nonetheless, I’m concerned for your safety. Who can we trust?

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I can go to Christian Bale’s penthouse. It’s the safest place in Chicago right now.

AARON ECKHART

The place where I almost got killed by Heath Ledger and you got thrown out of a window? Maybe you should hide on some subway tracks instead.

HEATH LEDGER

(on television)

Starting today, I’m going to kill innocent people until Batman reveals his secret identity. This plan is sure to work, since Americans are generally so willing to negotiate with terrorists.

CHRISTIAN BALE

I’ll never give into this terrorist’s demands!

(pause)

Nevermind, I quit. Play the sad music while I throw everything in the garbage, Michael. I am Batman no more.

MICHAEL CAINE

Subtle. Did you want to go kiss Kirsten Dunst upside-down in the rain, too?

AARON ECKHART holds a plot-explaining press conference, a scene that is quickly becoming a staple of the “Comic Book Movie About A Millionaire Playboy That Uses Technology To Build A Suit That Enables Him To Fight Evildoers” genre.

AARON ECKHART

Batman has offered to turn himself in. Are you people sure you want him to do this? If we go through with it, he might be replaced with Robin in the sequel.

RANDOM COP

Do it! Things are worse than evurrrrrrrr!

AARON ECKHART

Fine. I’m Batman, arrest me.

RANDOM COP

What? No, Batman has to be someone super-wealthy like, I dunno, Christian Bale for example. Don’t be stupid.

The POLICE arrest AARON and drive him to JAIL, but HEATH LEDGER shows up to FUCK SHIT UP. CHRISTIAN BALE’S car gets damaged, forcing him to resort to his unstable-looking BALE-POD, sold separately.

The SWAT van transporting AARON turns down a random road, which happens to be the exact road HEATH predicted, and therefore has a trap waiting.

AARON ECKHART

God damn, Heath is pretty smart for a guy that dresses like he’s going to a midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

CHRISTIAN BALE IN A RUBBER SUIT flips HEATH’S TRUCK using his BAT-PHYSICS-VIOLATOR, then rides up a wall in order to turn around like a BADASS. FANBOYS in the AUDIENCE cheer wildly for this, even though it looks RETARDED.

HEATH LEDGER

So it’s finally here. Me at one end of a Chicago street, you at the other. The epic battle between good and evil, teased in every advertisement for the movie! This is going to be awesome.

CHRISTIAN BALE crashes his bike like a PUTZ. HEATH laughs, then gets arrested by GARY OLDMAN, who is alive after all. Then the scene ends.

GARY OLDMAN

You see, this was all an elaborate plan to capture you! Including all the parts where a bunch of cops got killed!

HEATH LEDGER

That’s nothing, because MY plan included everything in your plan, but also some other stuff that gives me the upper hand after all! Eckhart and Gyllenhaal have been placed at opposite ends of the city with bombs strapped to them. You’ll only have time to save one.

BAT-BALE

That’s alright, the police will just save the other one.

HEATH LEDGER

Actually the police here are so incredibly inept that I am able to take their failure for granted in my grand scheme. Not that I look like the kind of guy that makes plans or anything.

GARY OLDMAN

We may be inept, but at least we don’t steal our dastardly plots from “Superman: The Movie.” Get your nose out of Gene Hackman’s ass.

CHRISTIAN tries to rescue MAGGIE but actually winds up saving AARON instead. ALL of MAGGIE blows up, HALF of AARON blows up, and ONE FOURTH of the AUDIENCE’S BLADDERS blow up.

Meanwhile, HEATH LEDGER escapes police custody using brabble frabble gloob glop.

INT. HOSPITAL

GARY OLDMAN visits AARON ECKHART, whose face has been half burnt off.

GARY OLDMAN

Holy fucking shit!

AARON ECKHART

Are you alarmed by my hideous scarring?

GARY OLDMAN

No, I just can’t believe how over-the-top Christopher Nolan went with the special effects on your face. I thought these movies were supposed to be realistic. Look at you, your fucking eyeball is hanging out. You look like the Toxic Avenger.

GARY leaves and HEATH LEDGER enters.

AARON ECKHART

You asshole, why did you kill my girlfriend?

HEATH LEDGER

I’m an agent of chaos. I just do things.

AARON ECKHART

Wow, that’s some sophisticated characterization there. As soon as I get out of these surprisingly strong bandages, I’m going to kill you!

HEATH LEDGER

Look, you don’t want to kill me for murdering her. You want to kill everyone else for failing to stop me from murdering her!

AARON ECKHART

That doesn’t make any sense at all.

HEATH LEDGER

And yet, it’s going to be your main character motivation for the rest of the movie. Now make with the murder, Sir Skins-A-Lot.

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S LAIR

MORGAN FREEMAN enters CHRISTIAN’S LAIR and finds an array of tiny LCDs monitoring the entire city using SONAR.

MORGAN FREEMAN

What the hell? How did you rig this thing up without me? You needed me to staple bat ears to a black mask.

BAT-BALE

I somehow installed your sonar technology in every phone in the city, and apparently everyone has bought a new phone in the past week. I need you to use this thing to find Heath Ledger.

MORGAN FREEMAN

This is totally unethical and I won’t stand for it.

BAT-BALE

What? This was YOUR plan. You didn’t give a shit when we were spying on Chinese guys but now you’re all pissy? What’s the difference between that and this?

MORGAN FREEMAN

Plausibility, mostly.

BAT-BALE

Well, this scene is getting dangerously close to actually having something to say, so we’d better hurry and get to a pointless action sequence.

CHRISTIAN and MORGAN figure out that HEATH is hiding out in a random building overlooking the harbor, where he has rigged two FERRIES with EXPLOSIVES.

MORGAN FREEMAN (O.S.)

(into Christian’s earpiece)

Alright, it looks like there are a bunch of hostages dressed as clowns and a bunch of kidnappers dressed as hostages. You should tell the SWAT guys so they don’t shoot the wrong people.

BAT-BALE

I think I’d rather beat the living shit out of them and leave them hanging off the side of a building instead.

CHRISTIAN walljumps his way to HEATH, who releases DOGS on him.

BAT-BALE

Oh no, dogs! Batman’s one true weakness!

BALE fights the dogs and then fights HEATH. Eventually HEATH falls off a ledge and plummets toward the ground, but CHRISTIAN saves him.

BAT-BALE

I saved you, Heath. That proves how committed I am to my sissy-pants moral code.

HEATH LEDGER

Huh. You didn’t seem to have a problem letting Liam Neeson die in the last movie, and all he did was blow up your house. I guess you loved your mansion more than Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t blame you, honestly.

BAT-BALE

I had to save you! You need to be in the next movie!

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah… about that…

EXT. BUILDING RUINS

AARON ECKHART has taken GARY OLDMAN’S FAMILY hostage.

GARY OLDMAN

Please don’t hurt my family. I know you’re trying to establish a major character shift in like five minutes, but still, this is pretty unbelievable.

AARON ECKHART

I’m going to kill your son, Gary. Please continue laying on the ground and doing absolutely nothing to stop me.

CHRISTIAN BALE shows up and shoves AARON off the building ledge to his OBVIOUSLY-NOT-ACTUAL-DEATH.

GARY OLDMAN

Way to avoid breaking your one rule, Bale.

BAT-BALE

We can’t let people find out he killed a bunch of people. Tell everyone I did it.

GARY OLDMAN

Hmm. You know, we could probably just blame everything on Heath Ledger, since he murdered like 500 other people during the movie.

BAT-BALE

No, it has to be me. Nothing else would be as arbitrarily dramatic.

GARY OLDMAN

Alright, I’ll go along with your plan to protect Eckhart’s reputation, somehow looking past the fact that he nearly just shot my son in the fucking face.

The POLICE chase CHRISTIAN BALE into the night while GARY tries to awkwardly contort his closing voiceover into something that lets him say the title of the movie.

CHRISTIAN BALE gives everyone in the AUDIENCE a MILLION DOLLARS and everyone rubs their movie tickets on themselves to CURE CANCER, because this is OHMIGOD THE BEST MOVIE EVER EVER EVER!

END

SAUCE:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/thedarkknight.html

34 Reasons Why The Dark Knight Fails As A Coherent Story

Here’s a list someone compiled (I could have done so too but I don’t have as much free time as that person) on the coherence of The Dark Knight’s plot. Just read through it and have a great time sulking if you actually disagree with it.

SPOILERS AHEAD! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

1. The bank raid

The school bus just happens to break through the wall at the exact moment that the last remaining bank robber is holding a gun on the Joker. How is everything so perfectly choreographed that the robber ends up in the exact spot he needs to be to get hit by the bus? Not realistic at all. Then, the school bus drives out of the bank at the exact right moment to join up with a huge procession of other school buses! And there just happens to be a space for the bus to enter. For this to happen, everything from the beginning to the end of the raid would have to happen with split-second precision and timing with no room for error.

Impossible, as there are too many variables at play. For example, the gunshot-toting bank manager. That was unforeseen and put a crimp in their plan. Yet despite this, everything *still* runs like clockwork. I also disliked the way the Bank robbers explained the plot as they set up the raid, talking about who gets a cut and about the Joker. Was this necessary? This kind of ‘hey folks, this is what’s happening!’ dialogue plagues the whole film. Another prime example is when Ramirez tells Gordon about the Joker card with three sets of DNA. Gordon responds: ‘The Joker is trying to tell us who he’s targeting’. Well, no *beep* That is OBVIOUS.

2. Other bank raid nonsense

i) Why was the alarm that can disable the entire security system of the bank on the roof – the easiest place for would-be criminals to get at it? ii) Why abseil onto the roof from across the street? This is the least inconspicuous way to get into the bank?! Furthermore, breaking that window would lead to glass showering down onto the street, which would attract attention, would it not? iii) Where are the Bank’s security guards? iv) At the beginning of the raid, there are screaming customers everywhere. Near the end of the raid, the customers have mysteriously disappeared. Where did they go? Running off into the street to alert the cops? v) Are we to believe that The Joker’s mob commandeered an entire fleet of school buses and that’s why everything was done with such precision?

3. Scarecrow scene

Batman jumps from the top level of the parking structure and lands on an escaping SUV. What happens? The SUV is crushed AND the impact of Batman makes it stop. GIVE ME A BREAK! Batman is only a mere mortal. He would have bounced off the car and would have made a minor dent at best. He was only about 50 feet up, yet when he lands *on his legs*, he is somehow strong enough to crush the entire roof of the vehicle!

4. The Hong Kong section

Overblown and overwritten. There are simpler ways to grab Lau and bring him back to the US. Why grab him in his office building?! Does he live there? I think not. Batman could’ve nabbed Lau *far easier* at his residence/on the street/in his car etc with less personal risk and expensive planning.

5. The Rachel/Dent/Wayne triangle.

I hated the fact that Rachel was in a serious relationship with Dent yet she still kissed Wayne on the balcony at that party. This made me lose respect for her character because she is basically cheating on Dent. Rachel is supposed to be this strong, moral woman with inalienable principles, yet she cheats on someone she clearly loves. The triangle didn’t need to be written this way; it would have been better if Bruce went in for the kiss and Rachel pulled back.

6. Commissioner Loeb’s death.

Right at the moment Gordon arrives with news of the threat, Loeb decides to have drink, and dies right at the moment Gordon is figuring out where the DNA could have come from. Okay, it’s possible but it’s just so contrived! Let’s assume that Loeb only found out about the threat when Gordon arrived. How ridiculous is this?! Surely if the Police Commissioner’s life is at risk, you want to let him know *straight away* just in case something happens? Gordon should have phoned Loeb and filled him in. This is just logical behavior, especially in the cell-phone age.

7. Bruce’s party

How does Bruce know of the triple threat to Dent/Loeb and the judge? There is no way he can know. If Gordon was going to call anyone, he would call Dent on his cell-phone to let him know, would he not? Dent has to have one, surely?! Batman is set in the cell phone age so the idea that Dent doesn’t have one is ridiculous. Also, Bruce was at the party with everyone else, so the chances of his listening to a police radio are slim at best. Besides, what would prompt him to be listening to police radio broadcasts in the middle of a party? On top of this, he manages to get to Dent and hide him seconds before the Joker appears. How convenient!

9. The Joker crashing Bruce’s party.

Why wait till Dent is at a party in Bruce Wayne’s penthouse *after* announcing to the world that Dent is a target? Of course, the whole thing is set-up so that the Joker can throw Rachel off the roof. This could have been written in a far more realistic way. People will argue that the Joker is an attention whore – okay, I can accept that to an extent, but it seems like a hell of a lot of trouble to go to find Dent when if he really wanted to kill Dent he could have done it in a far easier manner.

10. Rachel and Batman falling off the roof.

I can just about buy the fact that the fall was broken by Batman’s wings, but come on! No sign of any injury to Rachel? She wasn’t even winded. Ever so slightly beyond the realms of possibility I feel.

11. Fingerprints on the bullet sequence.

This doesn’t make sense because the fingerprint would be on the *shell casing* not the bullet itself! The bullet is encased in the shell-casing, which is discarded (along with fingerprints) when the bullet is fired. Furthermore, Bruce arrives in the room and finds those men tied up at the exact moment the shooting is going to take place. How convenient.

12. Commissioner Loeb’s funeral.

We’re expected to believe that with hundreds of Cops around and ridiculously tight security that the Joker managed to worm his way into the Police honour guard?! Didn’t anyone notice the guy with the huge scars on his face? Granted, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility, but with everyone *expecting* some kind of assassination attack and the Cops on alert, it’s just laughable that this could take place.

13. Gordon’s faked death.

Why would you put your family through the worst trauma imaginable when they were not even at risk?! Gordon says he faked his death because his family was at risk but this is utter nonsense. Why? Because the Joker thinks Gordon is dead. If he’s dead, he’s not a threat ergo his family is not at risk. Even if Gordon thought his family *could* be at risk, why not just get them out of the city and the state and into protective custody? Surely this is better than making them think he was dead?

14. The Gotham chase

Someone please explain exactly how a multi-tonne truck flips over so easily after snagging on some metal wire?! It’s a great action set-piece but once again it’s let down by bad writing in my view. Also, Batman has such prodigious control over the Bat-bike that he can execute a perfect 180 turn at speed using a wall as leverage, but when he’s charging the Joker he loses all control and flips the bike?! The Joker fires a bazooka missile at the SWAT van carrying Dent. If not for the tumbler getting in the way and taking the hit, Dent would have died. Again, this is all apparently part of the Joker’s fiendish plan to…get caught.

15. The Joker’s escape.

The Joker is Gotham’s most notorious and wanted criminal, yet they leave him *uncuffed* and guarded by a single Cop?! And of course, the Cop just happens to have a suspect temperament, which the Joker manipulates. If the Joker is in a locked room, why would there need to be a Cop inside the room with him?! Also, why was there no one stationed outside guarding the room? We can surmise that there wasn’t anyone guarding because if there was a fight going on, surely the guard would have heard it from outside? Again, everything happens at exactly the right time. All this is dependant upon having a single cop guarding the joker inside the room who loses his cool, allowing the Joker a chance to escape. And of course, the guy with a bomb in his stomach just happens to be captured and in jail at the exact time the Joker needs him.

16. The idea that the Joker ‘planned to be caught’.

After Rachel dies, Gordon is angry at himself and says ‘he wanted us to lock him up in the MCU’. So, let me get this straight: the massive chase scene through Gotham which culminated in Gordon capturing the Joker was really part of the Joker’s grand scheme as he ‘planned’ to get caught?! The Joker even explained *at length* that he was not someone who planned things, yet he is apparently the greatest criminal tactician that ever lived!

17. Reese revealing the true identity of Batman.

So, Reese goes on TV and says he’ll reveal the truth about Batman. Meanwhile, the scene is intercut with the Joker in a warehouse burning his half of the mob’s cash. Then, *in the very next scene*, the Joker is calling into the TV show and threatening to blow up a hospital if someone doesn’t kill Reese! How does the Joker go from burning money in a warehouse, to finding a TV, watching the show then calling up with his hospital threat in a matter of hours?

So, if the Joker decides to blow up a hospital in response to Reese’s TV ploy, how does he and his mob manage to rig the place with gas canisters and explosives *in broad daylight* without being seen? Come on! This is beyond ridiculous. And it’s not about suspension of disbelief, it’s about not treating your audience like morons. There is *no way* on earth that in this day and age of heightened security that an entire hospital could be rigged to blow in broad daylight and no one saw a thing! The entire building was pulverized – imagine the amount of explosives and petrol canisters needed to do that kind of damage. And again, what’s going on with the timeline? The Joker is burning money; somehow finds a TV to watch; calls in and threatens Reese; wires a hospital and visits Dent all in the space of the same day and seemingly within a few hours?

18. Sal Maroni’s confession.

After Gordon visits Dent, Maroni just happens to be in the hospital *right outside Dent’s room* and just happens to have an attack of conscience and tells Gordon where to find the Joker?!

19. Harvey Dent’s turn to the dark side.

For a start, the whole Dent story should have been saved for Part 3 instead of just being crammed into TDK. There wasn’t enough time to develop his fall into evil; it all happens in about 5 minutes. For 90 minutes, Dent is portrayed as this morally upstanding man of principle, but Dent goes from crime fighting golden boy with a an unshakeable dedication to doing good to a psychopathic murderer, and worse – potential child-murderer – in the space of 24 hours. Why? Because his girlfriend dies and he becomes disfigured? No, wait – it’s because the Joker – as well as being the greatest criminal tactician that ever lived – is also the greatest psychologist that ever lived, and a few lines of his cod philosophy at Dent’s bedside is enough to tip him over the edge and into child-murderer mindset.

20. Batman’s sonar scheme.

Lucius Fox says something along the lines of ‘You took my sonar concept and applied it to every phone in the city’. Someone explain to me how this is possible! Given the sonar technology has to be embedded in the phone itself (as we saw when Fox was in Hong Kong and left his sonar phone at security), are we expected to believe that Batman has the technology manually implanted into *every cell-phone in the city” – a city which, incidentally, has 30 million inhabitants, according to Fox. If it wasn’t manual, then how is this mass cell-phone scheme to be explained?

21. The ferry face-off.

When exactly did the Joker have time to rig two ferries with 100 barrels of fuel without anyone noticing? The whole idea is completely laughable and unrealistic, with no concern for the logistics of how something like that would be set up. Once again, for the sake of a ‘cool’ scene, the writers threw logic out of the window. But of course, the Joker is such a genius criminal, he planned this down to the last details (despite apparently now being a ‘planner’).

22. Batman’s sonar vision.

When batman faces the Joker, his sonar vision momentarily fails and this causes him to lose his bearings, allowing the Joker to attack. Why?! Earlier on in the sequence, *Batman switches between sonar vision and normal vision*. When the sonar fails, why doesn’t he just use his own vision?!

23. The Joker overpowering Batman.

After Batman’s sonar vision fails, the Joker somehow beats the crap out of Batman and manages to hold him down with a steel bar. Given the fact that Batman has been portrayed as almost superhuman for the preceding two hours (including easily subduing the Joker during interrogation), how is it possible that all of a sudden the Joker is stronger. In Batman begins, BW takes on about 20+ ninjas and none of them get the better of him. In TDK, all it takes to down Batman is steel bar and couple of rottweilers!

24. Dent at the hospital

After being marked for death, almost killed and then disfigured, why is Dent left alone at the hospital with no one guarding him?

25. Poor editing

i) How did the Joker leave the party after Batman and Rachel went off the roof? Dent is still locked in a cupboard somewhere and lots of party guests at risk. Should this not have been tied up with perhaps a five second shot? ii) The Joker taunts the cop guarding him and goads him into a fight. Cut to the next scene, the Joker has him as a hostage. Why cut out the scene with *how* he overpowered this guy? Surely this would be a scene than fans want to see?! iii) Dent and Rachel are kidnapped by the Joker’s henchmen. Why didn’t we see it? Again, we are just told it happened instead being shown what happened.

26. The kidnapping of Dent

It is standard police procedure to allow a senior public figure whose life has been threatened to go to visit his girlfriend seconds after being pursued by a madman hellbent on killing him? Is it also good police practice to let him go without any kind of police escort. The fact that the Joker’s vast network of henchmen were *not* captured and may still pose a threat did not seem to matter.

27. Gordon’s negligence

i) The new Police Commissioner has the apparent foresight to fake his own death, but he cannot foresee the possibility that the joker may try and escape. Of course, there’s no way anyone could have predicted the Joker might have some nefarious plan up his sleeve. After all, it’s not like he’d planned anything up to that point in the story. ii) Gordon botches the security job of protecting the Mayor *big time*. iii) Gordon allows the city’s most dangerous criminal to be guarded by a single cop. This is after he’s gone to great lengths to capture the Joker! And let’s not forget, at this point, Gordon is not Police Commissioner. The buck stops with him, and the way the Joker was guarded would have been down to him.

iv) So full of self-congratulatory bravado, Gordon just let’s Dent leave the scene of the Joker’s capture without assigning any police escorts, thus leading to Dent being kidnapped. v) Gordon just swallows the ‘let’s blame it all on Batman’ idea without question, ignoring the fact that the so-called 5 deaths could easily be blamed on any of the Joker’s henchmen. Gordon is too busy with composing his poetic monologue to actually think like a Cop.

28. Pointless ending

The film tries to make Batman into a mythical anti-hero with his sacrifice at the end, but the whole thing is moot really – Batman will be ‘hunted’ for about 10 minutes and then he’ll be Bruce Wayne again, so he won’t be in any danger! Anyway – what has changed since the beginning of the film? Gordon tells Dent that the official policy is to ‘arrest the vigilante known as Batman on sight’. Is this not the same situation at the end of the film?!

29. Lau’s immunity to the effects of fire

Lau doesn’t even scream whilst he’s being burnt alive!

30. Evacuation of the hospital

If you examine how things take place within the timeframe of the movie, it appears that entire hospital (Gotham’s biggest) was seemingly evacuated within the space of a few hours. i) The Joker calls into the TV show saying he’ll blow up a hospital. This happens during the day. ii) Seconds later, Gordon hears this and barks orders about evacuating the hospital. iii) A scene or two later, we find the hospital pretty much evacuated and *surprise surprise*, Dent is the only person left! The point here is, it’s still daytime, so the evacuation of such a huge hospital took no time at all apparently. Not realistic AT ALL. Not even slightly comic-book realistic.

31. Maroni’s miraculous recovery.

Batman throws Maroni to the street from 3 stories up. We hear the crunch as he lands feet first. Literally a day or so later, Maroni is walking easily with just the use a cane. No plaster cast or anything like that.

32. Dent and Maroni crash

Dent has Maroni trapped in his car, and instead of shooting Maroni, he kills the driver of the car, causing huge crash?! Half of Dent’s face is melted off and he must be in serious pain, yet he decides the best way to further his goal is to cause a car crash in which he could conceivably be killed?!

33. The Joker’s philosophy

As the Joker explains to Dent at the hospital, he doesn’t have a plan. He goes into detail about how he detests people with plans and how he’s all about chaos and anarchy. But wait, everything in the film completely negates his character because the story paints him as the greatest criminal tactician and planning mastermind that ever lived! For him to control *everything* to such a degree and have everything work *perfectly * with no mistakes, despite lots unforeseen events taking place, means that he must have planned everything to last detail. This is the reasoning of those defend the Joker’s apparent omnipotence, but it conflicts with his own philosophy! I’m sorry, but this is terrible writing.

34. The Scarecrow

Ridiculous treatment of the character after BB. made him into some weak caricature. When he stepped out of the van wearing the scarecrow mask, it just seemed out of place. And his dialogue was lame. Cut out the whole section and get on with story already. It was imperative we see that scene but not important to see how the Joker escaped the party/Dent and Rachel being kidnapped?