The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Only the poster looks good

Due to the successes of the previous movies (which had a different director), this movie (which has Rob Cohen who directed lots of crap like Stealth) actually has the potential to excel in the ‘pure dumb fun’ genre yet the only thing it succeeded in doing is to excel in the ‘I am better off observing paint drying’ department. This movie suck and there are many reasons as to why such an unsurprising claim was made. Since this movie is supposed to be in the ‘pure dumb fun’ genre, I will try not to comment on the extremely ridiculous plot of this overinflated pile of crap so bear with the lack of spoilers for those who want to waste their money. At least I still have the decency not to spoil even a crappy movie for you.

The CGI in this movie is equivalent to the pile of crap you produce in the toilet. It’s so bad that the first two movies actually had better effects than this movie. Yes, movies a decade ago actually had better effects than this movie. This movie probably overran its budget which prompted the special effects team to vomit out garbage equivalent to those seen in Korean movies.

Heck, this movie is so crappy I don’t want to waste my time on this review so I will make this quick. The time where you realised this movie will suck terribly came quite early in the movie where Maria Bello actually sword-fight with herself. Yes, that actually occurred for nearly half a minute which shows the laziness of the scriptwriters. In addition, how could anyone think that a movie which contains characters summoning Yetis entertaining? It’s obvious this movie is targeted towards the 13 years old demographic and they are not exactly shy about that fact.

Due to me wanting to get this over with, here is a quick list of reasons why this movie should be avoided at all costs; actors look uninterested in roles (they are in for the money anyway), bad bad bad CGI, Maria Bello is a bad replacement for Rachel Weisz (she looks like crap and adds nothing to the role), unimaginative action set pieces, stupid stupid dialogues, stupid subplots (summary: we are attracted to each other, we say stupid things to each other, we kick CGI asses together and we get each other in the end) and some other nonsense that should interest 13 year olds.

All in all, this movie is horrible in all aspects and you are better off burning your money. The entertainment value of doing so far outweighs the one offered by this movie (burning money gives out smoke and smell!). So, don’t waste your time on this crap and instead do something else, anything else except watching this movie! Heck, I’ve had it! I will not watch any movies like this released to scam idiots anymore! That’s the only thing I learned from this monstrosity.