The Dark Knight: The Abridged Script

The following is a parody script I got from somewhere and it is freaking hilarious! The purpose I am putting this up is to entertain you readers and of course, to get hits especially when The Dark Knight is the biggest thing now since Sean Kingston. So, sit back and enjoy!

FADE IN:

INT. BANK – GHICAGO

A GANG of CLOWNS breaks into a bank. The AUDIENCE impatiently tolerates the scene, despite having already watched it in front of I Am Legend as well as thirty times when it leaked ONLINE.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

Robbing this bank was a great idea. Anyone know why they call the guy that planned it ‘The Joker’?

RANDOM CLOWN #2

I hear he wears clown makeup to scare people.

RANDOM CLOWN #1

What? How does that answer the question at all? I asked why they call him ‘The Joker’, not why they call him ‘The Clown’. Nuts to this, has the real movie started yet?

The CLOWNS gather up a bunch of money and secretly kill each other one by one. One of the clowns pulls a gun on the OBVIOUSLY HEATH LEDGER CLOWN.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

I’m betting the Joker told you to kill me, so rather than kill you with your back turned I’m going to tell you how clever I am for figuring that out.

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

No, I kill the bus driver.

RANDOM CLOWN #3

Bus driver? As in a person who drives a bus? That’s extremely confusing to me, for you see I am not aware of any bus thus far in the heist. How strange of you to mention a vehicle that I have yet to be aware of in any capacity. Let me just take a few steps to the left while I stand and ponder what you could possibly mean by that.

He gets run over by a BUS that drives into the bank.

BUS DRIVER CLOWN

Somehow, the bus survived crashing into the side of a building without a scratch, so let’s load it up with money! Hey, where are all of the other gang members?

HEATH LEDGER CLOWN

They had to go. Something about attending a dark carnival. Oh, and also, you’re dead.

HEATH kills the BUS DRIVER, puts a smoke grenade in WILLIAM FICHTNER’S mouth for no reason, then drives out of the building into a conveniently placed gap in a line of SCHOOLBUSES.

INT. PARKING GARAGE

A bunch of DRUG DEALERS confront CILLIAN MURPHY.

DRUG DEALER

Hey, your LSD made my clients shit themselves and jump out of buildings.

CILLIAN MURPHY

Honestly, why were you buying drugs from a guy with a potato sack on his head?

Suddenly a bunch of FAKE BATMEN break up the drug deal but eventually CHRISTIAN BALE WEARING BLACK RUBBER shows up and arrests everyone.

FAKE BATMAN

Jesus, I’m just trying to help, do you really need to punch me in the face with metal, spiked gloves? What’s the difference between you and me?

BAT-BALE

Depends, are you on good terms with your sister?

INT. KITCHEN

Various MOBS all meet in a single room to facilitate the plot. Suddenly, HEATH LEDGER enters.

HEATH LEDGER

So it seems you guys all have a problem with Batman. Did you guys ever consider killing him?

ERIC ROBERTS

Holy shit, are we allowed to do that? We thought about having a mobster vs. crimefighter softball game, but that’s way easier! Why the hell didn’t we think of that?

HEATH LEDGER

Damn, being a criminal mastermind is cake when the other criminals have brains the size of Mary-Kate Olsen’s lunch. Now, I need to take over one of your gangs. First, let me tell you a story about when my asshole dad said things like “why so serious?” and “let’s put a smile on that face!”

ERIC ROBERTS

So all of your best lines from the trailer were from you quoting your douchebag father? That’s almost as disappointing as the way the last scene brought back Cillian Murphy just to get rid of him in 2 minutes.

EXT. POLICE STATION ROOFTOP

GARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT.

BAT-BALE

Grrgrll farggle raar!

GARY OLDMAN

Nice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he’s the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character.

AARON ECKHART

Here’s the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob’s money supply.

BAT-BALE

Frmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl.

AARON ECKHART

Did you take voice coaching lessons from Jack Bauer or something? Don’t you feel like an idiot growling all of your lines? You sound like you’re gargling Michael Keaton’s balls.

CHRISTIAN BALE goes to see MORGAN FREEMAN.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Morgan, I need to fly to Hong Kong, kidnap Chin Han, then fly out. Can you help me using technology and caustic banter? Also I want a new suit that lets me turn my head.

MORGAN FREEMAN

A whole new suit? You spent the entire last movie building the first one, and you want a totally redesigned new one after one line of dialogue?

CHRISTIAN BALE

Yes.

MORGAN FREEMAN

Your new suit is ready, have fun.

MICHAEL CAINE

I’ve thought of an excellent alibi for when you’re in Hong Kong, Mr. Bale.

CHRISTIAN BALE

Does it involve me taking an entire ballet troupe to a yacht from which I will mysteriously disappear, arousing a great deal of suspicion?

MICHAEL CAINE

Sure does!

CHRISTIAN BALE flies to HONG KONG and abducts CHIN HAN, then brings him back to CHICAGO. CHIN sells out the MOBSTERS, who then go to TRIAL. The JUDGE for the trial gets into her car, which suddenly explodes! And the COMMISSIONER is poisoned! And ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL manages to find work!

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S PENTHOUSE

CHRISTIAN BALE throws a party for AARON ECKHART, which HEATH LEDGER crashes.

HEATH LEDGER

Good evening, we’re tonight’s entertainment! We also do birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. Here’s my card.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

This is a ‘Wild Draw Four’ Uno card.

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah, I kinda had to use up all of the regular decks of cards in the city to stuff the judge’s car full of jokers. Took fucking hours.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Well if you’re here for Aaron Eckhart, we had ‘Old Chicago’ for dinner so he’s in the bathroom shitting lava.

HEATH LEDGER

I can wait. Want to hear a story? Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You’re actually kind of a butterface. But at least you’re not Katie Holmes, I like that.

BAT-BALE

Then you’re gonna love me!

HEATH LEDGER

How the hell did a guy in a giant bat costume sneak up right next to me without anyone noticing?

HEATH and CHRISTIAN fight, and somehow HEATH is able to hold his own against a guy with NINJA TRAINING. HEATH throws MAGGIE out of a window.

CHRISTIAN grabs her in midair, allowing MAGGIE to avoid landing on the PAVEMENT by landing safely on a CAR instead.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

Thanks for catching me, but how are we going to resolve the issue of Heath still terrorizing your party guests upstairs?

BAT-BALE

Maybe if we awkwardly cut to the next scene, nobody will notice that we accidentally lost some pages of the screenplay.

CUT TO:

EXT. CHICAGO STREETS

The police are holding a funeral for the DEAD COMMISSIONER in the most logical location: directly in the middle of 4 abandoned high-rise buildings with lots of windows. The MAYOR gives a eulogy while wearing a DISTRACTING AMOUNT OF EYELINER.

CHRISTIAN BALE uses MAGIC to pull fingerprints off a nonexistent bullet and winds up getting to the FUNERAL just in time to see HEATH LEDGER attempt to shoot the unprotected MAYOR, miss, and somehow hit GARY OLDMAN instead.

AARON ECKHART

(oh phone)

Maggie, Gary Oldman has just been shot.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I’m sure he’s fine, he’s not even commissioner yet. We’re not supposed to actually be worried that he might be dead, are we?

AARON ECKHART

Nonetheless, I’m concerned for your safety. Who can we trust?

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL

I can go to Christian Bale’s penthouse. It’s the safest place in Chicago right now.

AARON ECKHART

The place where I almost got killed by Heath Ledger and you got thrown out of a window? Maybe you should hide on some subway tracks instead.

HEATH LEDGER

(on television)

Starting today, I’m going to kill innocent people until Batman reveals his secret identity. This plan is sure to work, since Americans are generally so willing to negotiate with terrorists.

CHRISTIAN BALE

I’ll never give into this terrorist’s demands!

(pause)

Nevermind, I quit. Play the sad music while I throw everything in the garbage, Michael. I am Batman no more.

MICHAEL CAINE

Subtle. Did you want to go kiss Kirsten Dunst upside-down in the rain, too?

AARON ECKHART holds a plot-explaining press conference, a scene that is quickly becoming a staple of the “Comic Book Movie About A Millionaire Playboy That Uses Technology To Build A Suit That Enables Him To Fight Evildoers” genre.

AARON ECKHART

Batman has offered to turn himself in. Are you people sure you want him to do this? If we go through with it, he might be replaced with Robin in the sequel.

RANDOM COP

Do it! Things are worse than evurrrrrrrr!

AARON ECKHART

Fine. I’m Batman, arrest me.

RANDOM COP

What? No, Batman has to be someone super-wealthy like, I dunno, Christian Bale for example. Don’t be stupid.

The POLICE arrest AARON and drive him to JAIL, but HEATH LEDGER shows up to FUCK SHIT UP. CHRISTIAN BALE’S car gets damaged, forcing him to resort to his unstable-looking BALE-POD, sold separately.

The SWAT van transporting AARON turns down a random road, which happens to be the exact road HEATH predicted, and therefore has a trap waiting.

AARON ECKHART

God damn, Heath is pretty smart for a guy that dresses like he’s going to a midnight viewing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

CHRISTIAN BALE IN A RUBBER SUIT flips HEATH’S TRUCK using his BAT-PHYSICS-VIOLATOR, then rides up a wall in order to turn around like a BADASS. FANBOYS in the AUDIENCE cheer wildly for this, even though it looks RETARDED.

HEATH LEDGER

So it’s finally here. Me at one end of a Chicago street, you at the other. The epic battle between good and evil, teased in every advertisement for the movie! This is going to be awesome.

CHRISTIAN BALE crashes his bike like a PUTZ. HEATH laughs, then gets arrested by GARY OLDMAN, who is alive after all. Then the scene ends.

GARY OLDMAN

You see, this was all an elaborate plan to capture you! Including all the parts where a bunch of cops got killed!

HEATH LEDGER

That’s nothing, because MY plan included everything in your plan, but also some other stuff that gives me the upper hand after all! Eckhart and Gyllenhaal have been placed at opposite ends of the city with bombs strapped to them. You’ll only have time to save one.

BAT-BALE

That’s alright, the police will just save the other one.

HEATH LEDGER

Actually the police here are so incredibly inept that I am able to take their failure for granted in my grand scheme. Not that I look like the kind of guy that makes plans or anything.

GARY OLDMAN

We may be inept, but at least we don’t steal our dastardly plots from “Superman: The Movie.” Get your nose out of Gene Hackman’s ass.

CHRISTIAN tries to rescue MAGGIE but actually winds up saving AARON instead. ALL of MAGGIE blows up, HALF of AARON blows up, and ONE FOURTH of the AUDIENCE’S BLADDERS blow up.

Meanwhile, HEATH LEDGER escapes police custody using brabble frabble gloob glop.

INT. HOSPITAL

GARY OLDMAN visits AARON ECKHART, whose face has been half burnt off.

GARY OLDMAN

Holy fucking shit!

AARON ECKHART

Are you alarmed by my hideous scarring?

GARY OLDMAN

No, I just can’t believe how over-the-top Christopher Nolan went with the special effects on your face. I thought these movies were supposed to be realistic. Look at you, your fucking eyeball is hanging out. You look like the Toxic Avenger.

GARY leaves and HEATH LEDGER enters.

AARON ECKHART

You asshole, why did you kill my girlfriend?

HEATH LEDGER

I’m an agent of chaos. I just do things.

AARON ECKHART

Wow, that’s some sophisticated characterization there. As soon as I get out of these surprisingly strong bandages, I’m going to kill you!

HEATH LEDGER

Look, you don’t want to kill me for murdering her. You want to kill everyone else for failing to stop me from murdering her!

AARON ECKHART

That doesn’t make any sense at all.

HEATH LEDGER

And yet, it’s going to be your main character motivation for the rest of the movie. Now make with the murder, Sir Skins-A-Lot.

INT. CHRISTIAN BALE’S LAIR

MORGAN FREEMAN enters CHRISTIAN’S LAIR and finds an array of tiny LCDs monitoring the entire city using SONAR.

MORGAN FREEMAN

What the hell? How did you rig this thing up without me? You needed me to staple bat ears to a black mask.

BAT-BALE

I somehow installed your sonar technology in every phone in the city, and apparently everyone has bought a new phone in the past week. I need you to use this thing to find Heath Ledger.

MORGAN FREEMAN

This is totally unethical and I won’t stand for it.

BAT-BALE

What? This was YOUR plan. You didn’t give a shit when we were spying on Chinese guys but now you’re all pissy? What’s the difference between that and this?

MORGAN FREEMAN

Plausibility, mostly.

BAT-BALE

Well, this scene is getting dangerously close to actually having something to say, so we’d better hurry and get to a pointless action sequence.

CHRISTIAN and MORGAN figure out that HEATH is hiding out in a random building overlooking the harbor, where he has rigged two FERRIES with EXPLOSIVES.

MORGAN FREEMAN (O.S.)

(into Christian’s earpiece)

Alright, it looks like there are a bunch of hostages dressed as clowns and a bunch of kidnappers dressed as hostages. You should tell the SWAT guys so they don’t shoot the wrong people.

BAT-BALE

I think I’d rather beat the living shit out of them and leave them hanging off the side of a building instead.

CHRISTIAN walljumps his way to HEATH, who releases DOGS on him.

BAT-BALE

Oh no, dogs! Batman’s one true weakness!

BALE fights the dogs and then fights HEATH. Eventually HEATH falls off a ledge and plummets toward the ground, but CHRISTIAN saves him.

BAT-BALE

I saved you, Heath. That proves how committed I am to my sissy-pants moral code.

HEATH LEDGER

Huh. You didn’t seem to have a problem letting Liam Neeson die in the last movie, and all he did was blow up your house. I guess you loved your mansion more than Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t blame you, honestly.

BAT-BALE

I had to save you! You need to be in the next movie!

HEATH LEDGER

Yeah… about that…

EXT. BUILDING RUINS

AARON ECKHART has taken GARY OLDMAN’S FAMILY hostage.

GARY OLDMAN

Please don’t hurt my family. I know you’re trying to establish a major character shift in like five minutes, but still, this is pretty unbelievable.

AARON ECKHART

I’m going to kill your son, Gary. Please continue laying on the ground and doing absolutely nothing to stop me.

CHRISTIAN BALE shows up and shoves AARON off the building ledge to his OBVIOUSLY-NOT-ACTUAL-DEATH.

GARY OLDMAN

Way to avoid breaking your one rule, Bale.

BAT-BALE

We can’t let people find out he killed a bunch of people. Tell everyone I did it.

GARY OLDMAN

Hmm. You know, we could probably just blame everything on Heath Ledger, since he murdered like 500 other people during the movie.

BAT-BALE

No, it has to be me. Nothing else would be as arbitrarily dramatic.

GARY OLDMAN

Alright, I’ll go along with your plan to protect Eckhart’s reputation, somehow looking past the fact that he nearly just shot my son in the fucking face.

The POLICE chase CHRISTIAN BALE into the night while GARY tries to awkwardly contort his closing voiceover into something that lets him say the title of the movie.

CHRISTIAN BALE gives everyone in the AUDIENCE a MILLION DOLLARS and everyone rubs their movie tickets on themselves to CURE CANCER, because this is OHMIGOD THE BEST MOVIE EVER EVER EVER!

END

SAUCE:

http://www.the-editing-room.com/thedarkknight.html

I Almost Won A WALL·E Toy!

Basically, I participated in the competition organised by Cheesie from http://cheeserland.com at this post:

http://cheeserland.com/2008/08/beijing-olympics-closing-tonight/

She is actually giving out a cool WALL·E toy that dances to your mp3 files and there’s no way I am missing out on that!

The competition basically consist of something like ‘give me the best excuse why you need a WALL·E for’.

Since I’m a smart person, I actually got on her list of favourites when she announced the winner here:

http://cheeserland.com/2008/08/who-can-take-wall-e-home/

Now I’m semi-pissed and amused because the winner won it for actually having an EVE toy himself. That really defeats the purpose right? So, if I were to have the whole ensemble cast of WALL·E toys sans the WALL·E toy, I can give the same lame excuse of WALL·E being seperated from the other toys to win except that in my case WALL·E is now not only seperated from EVE but from the other toys.

Anyway, can you figure out which one is my entry? The first one to come to me with the answer gets a spring balance I stole from my school’s physics lab back in secondary school!

21

The young actors are the main focus here instead of Kevin Spacey and Laurence Fishburne

A film on card counting might seem interesting but can it really hold viewers for about two hours? Well, it depends on how interesting, original and coherent the plot is if the viewers are to be placed at an upmost priority. In addition, cinematography and atmosphere is also an important consideration no matter what the demographic of the intended film. In the case of 21, the answer given to the question posed would be a resounding no.

The film follows Ben Campbell who is quite literally put, a genius. He is unable to go to Harvard because he does not have the $300000 for it. Luckily enough, one of his lecturers spotted him and took Ben under his wing to teach him to count cards. With his tutelage, Ben, with other card counters, is able to rake in the cash playing blackjack at casinos in Las Vegas. The question is, at what lengths does Ben have to go in order to keep the chick, friends and Harvard?

The plot for 21 is a rather predictable one that might make viewers fall asleep if they have no control over their central nervous system. This film definitely needs more time in the editing room to make it more cohesive. Running at 123 minutes, probably about 80 minutes of this film is watchable while the rest of the time you will be cursing while fighting off drowsiness in hope that the film will end immediately. Some scenes are cringe inducing for seasoned film-goers where certain plot points used are walking clichés. An example of this is where Hollywood enforces the fact that any characters can throw away their own characterisation just to get the plot moving.

Loud blaring music and fast cuts are abundant in this film much like a music video found on MTV. This film might work for a young audience in this aspect and non-young people will feel alienated while watching this. In fact, the cinematography and overuse of loud music simply makes this film look like a cheap feature film version of Las Vegas except for the lack of women in skimpy clothing. The director shows no vision at all in this weak piece which easily passes off as a Las Vegas look-alike that it’s no surprise he is an unknown and might continue to be an unknown if he does not buck up his work.

The casts are particularly lazy in this film as there is a lack of energy in their performance. This can be seen in Kevin Spacey who looks like he just wanted some money and thus decided to play the smart-ass character he has been doing yet again. Kate Bosworth’s appearance is mostly eye candy to excite young men and as a result, an unmemorable love interest is presented to the main lead. On the less dull side, Laurence Fishburne and Jim Sturgess are probably the only ones who wanted to achieve something and they gave slightly more zest to their characters than the other casts. In the end, weak character development makes their characters only somewhat decent and not memorable.

All in all, the good points from this film are probably the reason one watches a TV show like Las Vegas and CSI. With that in mind, this film does not fail outright but becomes barely watchable. It is nothing great and not downright awful. If you are a teenager and is excited by loud music, this film should mildly entertain you. Other than that, it is a missable affair that nobody cares to dwell over.

WALL·E

The poster elicits a sense of loneliness

The ‘·’ in WALL·E is an ‘interpunct’, used to separate words in classical Latin long before a ’space’ is even thought of. With it being in the film’s title, a sense of nostalgia with a blend of mystery and sci-fi is invoked. The decision to combine a futuristic sounding title with an extinct punctuation definitely sets this film apart from any other animated films. Unlike most current films, much personality is already given out by only reading the title itself. Having said that, it is also unsurprising to know that the film’s achievements greatly mirrors the purpose of the title.

WALL·E stands for ‘Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class’ and WALL·E is a robot. The directive for WALL·E is to do what his name says, cleaning up trash on a post-apocalyptic (not in the usual sense) Earth habituated by absolutely nothing at all except for WALL·E’s only friend, a cockroach. WALL·E showcases sapient behaviour unprecedented for a machine in our time. Despite being a machine, WALL·E clearly exhibits emotions which endears him to viewers and gave him much more of a personality than most cartoon characters can dream of. Out of nowhere, EVE, an Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator, appears on Earth and drives the brilliant plot of this film forward in a delightful pace.

The plot (which I am not spoiling here) of WALL·E is an amazing, imaginative and original ride that will make absolutely anyone laugh, cry and think. If one has a very short attention span and is unable to work their thought process, this film is definitely a pass for them. Fortunately, this film works on almost all levels (except for the select few that I mentioned) and is definitely a joy to watch for anybody of any ages. Like every other Pixar film, imagination is abundant in this film and it is surprising to think that those at Pixar possess such vast amount of it.

Pixar outdid themselves in every aspect of film-making again. In particular, visuals are a main composition of an animated film and WALL·E trumps in this aspect. From the rubbish towered landscapes of an isolated Earth to the vast sea of space, WALL·E is a visual feast for the eyes. Live-action shots in this film are also a first for Pixar and they are utilised to great visual and dramatic narrative effect. Unorthodox for an animated CGI film, depth of field shots (and other cinematography techniques) are littered throughout the film inciting tension and drama in scenes that demands it. Dull, colourful, bright and vibrant are words to describe the colour palette used for this film and they are used to great effect in terms of creating emotions and depth. Various feelings of delight and melancholy are displayed wonderfully in WALL·E just by the visuals itself making this film another of Pixar’s finest efforts.

Atmosphere is abundant throughout the film with perfect use of music. The score is evidently the main component for a film like WALL·E which exhibits silent films’ characteristics. Tension, joy, calmness and humanity are ejected with ease into viewers through the use of music. This film’s achievements in the audio department greatly rival musical efforts by Disney such as Fantasia 2000. Classic and lovable songs are also inserted at poignant points of the film invoking a sense of nostalgia much like the title itself. All in all, the score is such a wonderfully refreshing experience that anyone can go through over and over again.

To call WALL·E a cartoon greatly diminishes the quality of the film. Social commentaries are a main part of this film that most people will overlook. With obvious themes like mass-consumerism, globalisation and degradation of humanity, this film is no longer a cartoon. It is a film that rivals any live-action films in terms of intelligence and heart albeit in the form of an animation. Viewers will be given a choice of either thinking or not thinking when undergoing the process of experiencing this film. Needless to say, the viewers’ minds will not be taxed that much for the themes present are all laid out easily for anyone to follow. With intelligence infused linearly for the viewers, the joy of watching a film can be undertaken without much confusion.

In a nutshell, WALL·E is the film of the year that everyone should absolutely catch. WALL·E is a film that appeals to anybody and will definitely give everyone a great time. For those complaining about the film being too slow, it is because the visuals and the themes are overlooked. There is also not one ounce of popular culture that is present in this film (unlike Kungfu Panda which strives on that and sacrifices quality) and that makes WALL·E a refreshing watch. Therefore, WALL·E is highly recommended by me and it should be the film everyone watches while it is still playing.

PS: A great short by Pixar is also present before WALL·E begins ala Pixar’s other films. This allows us to watch a feature length film and a short film for the admission price of only one feature length film!

No Potter For November

Warner Brothers have made an executive decision to move the release date of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from November this year to the summer of 2009. Damn, the prices of tickets better not inflate over the next nine months.

The reason? It’s partly due to the writer’s strike early this year which left alot of empty holes for next year’s slate of movies. Them writers were not at hand to write movies thus causing some or most movies supposed to be release in 2009 shelved. Therefore, Harry Potter is Warner Brothers’ answer to filling up the aforementioned gap for their studio in 2009.

In addition, moving Harry Potter to 2009 makes Warner Brothers’ earnings look good for that year. Then you may ask, what about 2008? Won’t 2008’s earnings be sacrificed when a big earner like Harry Potter is pushed to the next year? Well, you overlooked The Dark Knight, Warner Brothers’ cash cow for the 2008. So, 2008 already look good for Warner Brothers even without the might of Harry Potter.

That’s all for this news update which contains some of my thoughts. Wait for my next post which is a review on WALL·E!

R.I.P. Bernie Mac

I received news just moments ago from a very reliable source at times (the internet) that Bernie Mac just passed away. The reason for his early death (he’s only 50) is pneumonia. For those who don’t know who Bernie Mac is, this picture will or might make you go, ‘OMG, THAT’S HIM!’:

He will be missed

It’s sad to see a lovable actor/comedian like him pass away especially after all of us had already witnessed another tragic death early this year. That’s all I will say and R.I.P. Mr. Bernie Mac.

The Dark Knight Cursed?

Is The Dark Knight cursed? Heath Ledger dies after completing all his scenes, Christian Bale arrested for beating up his mother and sister and now Morgan Freeman is involved in an accident (not dead thankfully but it sure sucks alot breaking a couple of bones at the age of 71);

Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman, currently starring in the Batman movie The Dark Knight, was in serious condition in hospital Monday after a car accident in Mississippi where witnesses said he had to be freed with the Jaws of Life.

Clay McFerrin, editor of the Sun Sentinel in Charleston, said he arrived at the accident scene on Mississippi Highway 32 soon after it happened. McFerrin said the accident occurred just west of Charleston, Miss., not far from where Freeman owns a ranch with his wife.

“They had to use the Jaws of Life to extract him from the vehicle,” McFerrin said, adding the car was in a ditch.

“He was lucid, conscious. He was talking, joking with some of the rescue workers at one point.”

McFerrin also said many bystanders appeared on the scene, trying to get a glimpse of the 71-year-old actor.

When one person tried to snap a photo with a cellphone camera, Freeman joked, “no freebies, no freebies,” McFerrin said.

The actor was admitted to hospital in Memphis, Tenn. Regional Medical Center spokeswoman Kathy Stringer said Freeman was in serious condition Monday.

The actor “has a broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder damage, but is in good spirits,” according to a statement from Donna Lee, Freeman’s publicist.

Mississippi Highway Patrol spokesman Sgt. Ben Williams said Freeman was driving a 1997 Nissan Maxima belonging to Demaris Meyer of Memphis when the car skidded off the road and flipped several times shortly before midnight Sunday.

“There’s no indication that either alcohol or drugs were involved,” Williams said.

The officer did not release details of what happened to Meyer, who was also in the car, but did say both occupants were wearing seatbelts.

The woman’s condition was not immediately available.

The Los Angeles Times reported that Freeman was airlifted from the scene.

The actor captured an Academy Award in 2004 for his supporting role in Million Dollar Baby and earned a Golden Globe trophy for best actor for the 1990 film Driving Miss Daisy.

His other film credits include The Shawshank Redemption, Se7en and Unforgiven.

The actor is currently working on his third project with Clint Eastwood in the forthcoming film The Human Factor, about former South African president Nelson Mandela.

SAUCE:

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/08/04/freeman-hospital.html

So, what do you think?

Films To Watch As 2008 Comes To An End

2008 is not a particularly memorable year in movies compared to 2007 (except for The Dark Knight and Ironman). However, there are a few films that will stand out due to hype or quality or draw as 2009 draws closer. The following are films I will watch (or try to in all my power) for the next 4 months:

1. Righteous Kill (Robert De Niro and Al Pacino in a freaking movie!)
2. Burn After Reading (a comedy crime starring Brad Pitt and George Clooney, helmed by the Coen brothers, last year’s Academy Award’s Best Director(s) for the Best Picture, No Country For Old Men. Damn, they are fast! One year after No Country For Old Men, there’s already another film by them!)
3. Blindness (starring Julianne Moore, helmed by somebody most people won’t know but that guy’s good)
4. Max Payne (a game I freaking worshipped! Starring Mark Wahlberg and LUDACRIS???!??!)
5. W. (a biopic on George W. Bush by Oliver Stone starring Josh Brolin, the main dude from No Country For Old Men)
6. Quantum of Solace (direct sequel to Casino Royale)
7. Harry Potter 6 (need any introduction?)
8. The Spirit (Frank Miller’s directorial debut. He’s the guy whose graphic novels were adapted into the movies Sin City and 300. He co-directed Sin City so he should be fine or even better here)
9. Revolutionary Road (DiCaprio and Winslet back again for Sam Mendes’s (American Beauty director) latest outing)
10. Tropic Thunder (Robert Downey Jr. freaking played a Daniel Day-Lewis satire in this!! I must watch!!)

Half of these movies won’t make it to Malaysia though (censorship and money-making issues) so I would probably download them next year in order to catch them.

EDIT: I forgot about WALL·E. It will be released in Malaysia soon enough.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Only the poster looks good

Due to the successes of the previous movies (which had a different director), this movie (which has Rob Cohen who directed lots of crap like Stealth) actually has the potential to excel in the ‘pure dumb fun’ genre yet the only thing it succeeded in doing is to excel in the ‘I am better off observing paint drying’ department. This movie suck and there are many reasons as to why such an unsurprising claim was made. Since this movie is supposed to be in the ‘pure dumb fun’ genre, I will try not to comment on the extremely ridiculous plot of this overinflated pile of crap so bear with the lack of spoilers for those who want to waste their money. At least I still have the decency not to spoil even a crappy movie for you.

The CGI in this movie is equivalent to the pile of crap you produce in the toilet. It’s so bad that the first two movies actually had better effects than this movie. Yes, movies a decade ago actually had better effects than this movie. This movie probably overran its budget which prompted the special effects team to vomit out garbage equivalent to those seen in Korean movies.

Heck, this movie is so crappy I don’t want to waste my time on this review so I will make this quick. The time where you realised this movie will suck terribly came quite early in the movie where Maria Bello actually sword-fight with herself. Yes, that actually occurred for nearly half a minute which shows the laziness of the scriptwriters. In addition, how could anyone think that a movie which contains characters summoning Yetis entertaining? It’s obvious this movie is targeted towards the 13 years old demographic and they are not exactly shy about that fact.

Due to me wanting to get this over with, here is a quick list of reasons why this movie should be avoided at all costs; actors look uninterested in roles (they are in for the money anyway), bad bad bad CGI, Maria Bello is a bad replacement for Rachel Weisz (she looks like crap and adds nothing to the role), unimaginative action set pieces, stupid stupid dialogues, stupid subplots (summary: we are attracted to each other, we say stupid things to each other, we kick CGI asses together and we get each other in the end) and some other nonsense that should interest 13 year olds.

All in all, this movie is horrible in all aspects and you are better off burning your money. The entertainment value of doing so far outweighs the one offered by this movie (burning money gives out smoke and smell!). So, don’t waste your time on this crap and instead do something else, anything else except watching this movie! Heck, I’ve had it! I will not watch any movies like this released to scam idiots anymore! That’s the only thing I learned from this monstrosity.